Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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