i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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