so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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