oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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