i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Terrible idea I love it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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