I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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