Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
