Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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