hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
