We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
