I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
