whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were trust falling into bushes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
