would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
