did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
