I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
