my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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