remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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