I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
