thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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