if only i could text you this smell
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
