don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
