i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
