Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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