And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
