wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my liver is dry heaving
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
