Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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