The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
