Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it because I queefed?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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