He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
