I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
