My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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