i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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