Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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