Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
