You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Enjoy the penises
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