Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm bleeding and have questions
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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