I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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