So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
