He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
