i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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