if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
