I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
