Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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