so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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