god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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