wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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