can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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