How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
