Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
