he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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