the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
