So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
