sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
