the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
