How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
