dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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