Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
