I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
