just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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