I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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