If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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