I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
