If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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