its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
