Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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