I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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