i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I touched a dick in church today
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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