the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
