I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
4 words: hood of his car
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
