I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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