chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
