guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize