Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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