you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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