I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
