Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
