at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
