had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize