Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
