i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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