I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
