I just made out with a guy for $7.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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