i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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