i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
